For many people who are just getting started with BDSM relationships, the movie “Fifty Shades Of Grey” served as an introduction to BDSM culture. This movie was like an ill-lit beacon of kinky sex upon the fans, turning their sex hormones fizz out for BDSM, just like when you put mentos in carbonated beverages.
But the whole plot of fifty shades of BDSM is a myth, and it doesn’t work like that in the real world. In reality, BDSM is all about the exchange of power, trust, making love, and other practices that build a meaningful relationship by following BDSM relationship rules between the partners.
In the real world, BDSM is not just about a one-way road where a dominant person takes charge in bed and does anything he/she likes to get aroused, like the one you saw in Fifty Shades where a screwed-out billionaire who is extremely in BDSM doing his things without asking for consent in his red room of pain, No BDSM rules! And Ana is comfortable with almost everything he’s doing with her in bondage.
This novel is a best seller and has sold millions of copies worldwide, but it should be taken as fun, and not as a guide so you can re-enact the scenes with your partner without any knowledge. If you’re new to BDSM then this blog post is for you. We’ll be showing you the real shades of BDSM in the real world, like some important BDSM relationship rules, and the importance of consent in a kinky relationship to make your BDSM sessions more pleasurable with your partner.
First Things First, What Is The Meaning Of BDSM?
BDSM is consensual sex practice that involves Bondage Dominance Submission Sadomasochism.
Bondage: Bondage means restraining a partner’s movement during sex using various props, such as cords, handcuffs, or ropes.
Dominance: Taking charge of a partner during a sexual encounter. Dominants can be men or women.
Submission: When one partner is being dominated by another partner during sex. Some people willingly submit their control with consent.
Sadomasochism: Inflicting pain on another partner or oneself or both.
BDSM sessions mainly involve roleplay where partners practice specific roles in which one partner plays dominant and the other is submissive. Dominant is also known as master or top. The submissive is also known as bottom, slave, and submissive. Consent is paramount and should be practiced from both ends during the roleplay.
Types Of BDSM Relationships
BDSM is not just about whips, handcuffs, and dirty talking. There is a spectrum of play that you can try during BDSM which includes the following:
It’s a form of roleplaying in which one partner treats or acts like another as if they are at a different age.
Breath play is a kind of BDSM roleplaying in which one partner controls or restricts the breathing of another partner. It’s a very, very dangerous sexual fetish that can even lead to death. It’s recommended to avoid this, it doesn’t matter if you’re experienced or a newbie.
In Impact play, one partner hits the body of another partner using a hand or some type of instrument, such as a whip, cane, and hand. Impact play is mostly not on the radar of people trying BDSM for the first time.
BDSM Relationship Rules For Safe Play
BDSM has often been portrayed as dark sex which is all about domination, forceful sex, pain, and zero consent. It has often seemed like an off-limits topic to talk about, some countries in Asia consider kinky sex in relationships a taboo for a society more inclined towards traditional sex looping in an old-school vaginal penis process.
BDSM is considered as filthiness with sex because it involves the practice of binding, tying, or controlling other partners’ movements which seems like objectifying women as sex objects. But this type of kinky sex in relationship is no more a taboo. It’s just that people have a bad point of view towards BDSM, it’s time to normalize it. Here we have listed some golden BDSM relationship rules that you need to practice if you’re jumping in for the first time.
People often practice consent during roleplay with rope, whips, and dirty talking. Always practice consent in every stage. It’s a perfect way to respect each other’s boundaries and prevent injuries.
It’s important to talk with your partner before jumping into BDSM. Talk about each thing that you would enjoy and want to try while engaging in BDSM. Consent is important to build trust between the partners, so always establish BDSM relationship rules. It also ensures that both partners have a pleasurable sex experience within their comfort zones.
You can create and practice safe words so you can use them when you reach a point where you no longer feel comfortable and want your partner to stop. Most people in BDSM relationships practice the Green Red Yellow word system. For example, Red means Stop, Yellow means slow down, and Green means You like it and want your partner to continue.
Never participate under the influence
You are doing it just because everyone is doing it with drugs and alcohol. And it sounds cool? This thought is not right. Mixing BDSM with drugs is a recipe for disaster, especially if it involves some strenuous activities, such as needle play, breathplay, and handcuffs. Never practice BDSM under the influence of drugs and alcohol, because boozy substances can slow your reaction time making it hard for you to figure out if something is pleasurable or potentially harming your body.
BDSM is Consensual; Abuse is prohibitive
There’s a thin line between BDSM and abuse that people mostly breach intentionally or by mistake. Some people do it for purpose because it’s a kind of sex fetish that summon their lusty devil. Some suffering from childhood sexual trauma gets their kinks triggered, and it’s not their fault. But, it’s important to educate about what is the difference between BDSM and abuse.
BDSM is all about a kinky sexual practice that involves roleplay and another spectrum of sexual acts that people practice. But what makes kink different from abuse is that kink allows consensual power exchange. It always allows partners to end it immediately if they are not feeling comfortable. A healthy BDSM relationship is all about having the power of saying no, and the other person will always have to respect it instead of doing sexual assault. He/she should always keep the bondage safety in mind.
And it’s also important to check in with your partner. Something, things look good from the outside, but can feel like abuse. At last, kink should always be consensual, and everyone should always respect other’s comfort zone by obeying BDSM relationship rules.
BDSM is not one recipe that everyone likes, for some it works and for some, it might seem abusive. If you’re kink-conscious mind is getting more inclined towards BDSM then you can come out of the closet of your kinky fantasies with your partner. And talk about it before you surprise or scare the shit out of your partner with some weird costume, and torture tools. If BDSM is not for you, then it’s fine. You can try other sex variations. Kama sutra has hundreds of sex positions that you can try in different ways.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. Why are relationship rules important?
Relationship rules provide a framework for understanding expectations, fostering communication, and creating a healthy foundation. They help partners navigate challenges and ensure mutual respect and understanding.
Q2. Should relationship rules be established early on in a relationship?
Ideally, yes. Establishing rules early on allows both partners to be on the same page, preventing misunderstandings and conflicts. It sets a foundation for a strong and healthy relationship.
Q3. How can we create effective relationship rules without being overly restrictive?
Focus on open communication and compromise. Discuss each other’s needs, boundaries, and expectations. Ensure the rules reflect both partners’ values and are flexible enough to accommodate growth and change in the relationship.
Q4. Can relationship rules be adjusted over time?
Yes, relationships evolve, and so can the rules. It’s essential to revisit and reassess the rules periodically, especially during significant life changes or relationship milestones. This ensures that the rules remain relevant and supportive.
Q5. What if there’s a disagreement about a particular relationship rule?
Address conflicts calmly and openly. Communication is key in resolving disagreements. Take the time to understand each other’s perspectives, find common ground, and be willing to adjust the rules to accommodate both partners’ needs.